


What to do...

by amiweird



Category: Hannibal (TV), Hannibal Lecter Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcoholic Will Graham, Angst and Feels, Bottom Hannibal Lecter, M/M, Mpreg, Mpreg hannibal lecter, Not Beta Read, One shot?, Top Will Graham, pregnant hannibal, will graham/hannibal lecter - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2019-08-03 23:12:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16335032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amiweird/pseuds/amiweird
Summary: i just have to get this out of my head...Our doctor has to make a hard decision that just breaks his heart.This was supposed to be a one shot fic...and it's soooo annoying when your brain decides otherwise and keeps on coming up with line after line until they're piled up there bugging you all the time.





	1. Chapter 1

Conversations buzz around him in the busy high end restaurant that has reservation list that goes for miles. Some sweet exchanges and some not so sweet. He sat there with his back straight and sipping non alcoholic wine, contemplating how his life had turned so out of his control, how he continuously waits with hope that tonight is gonna be different when all the other times had proven it was just wistful dreaming.

He was a man who was accustomed to being in control of everything and not accepting any injustice towards himself. Career, wealth and a wide network of influential circle of 'friends' or contacts and yet here he was, stood up by his partner, yet again. He should feel angry or mad but all he feels is sadness. 

They have been together for three years now. Everything had started when they were introduced to each other by a mutual friend. At first he had taken interest to the man's mind as is natural to his line of work but had later on developed to a genuine interest to the man himself. He had frequently hosted dinners for his close peers and friends which had paved the way to getting to know the person behind the tacky black rimmed glasses named William Graham. A quiet man that happens to have ample doses of sarcasm and sharp wit. He had been surprised how Will could be such a quiet and unassuming man and yet can match him word for word in anything, be it for historical references to art interpretations. 

The shift of their relationship to intimate territories had come as a surprise for many but not for them.They had been aware of their courtship dance for a while and the building sexual tension that had accompanied it. A thinly coated discussion of arts that could have sexual interpretations had led to twisted forms of the subject plus ample amounts of alcohol led to a rough coupling that nobody was sure who initiated the first touch. Their first time had been on the floor in his sitting room, clothes barely hanging on his writhing sweaty body with Will holding his hands that were bound with his own tie. Their impatience had only allowed for Will to free his cock and a hasty preparation for himself. It had burned at first but had turned mind shattering by the end. 

He was awakened from his orgasm induced coma when Will had started profusely apologizing and cursing at the same time. He had turned around to look at the man, expecting to see regret on his face about the sex but was confused when the man was staring horrified at his manhood and when he glanced at it he realized the cause of his reaction. Rough sex was very good but sometimes putting on protection in a rush is not such a smart move,air bubbles and what not, the condom had broken during their coupling. The realization of what that entails was like a cold bucket of water to the face to the both of them that had sucked the after sex goodness out of their body in one big swoop. 

Will had repeatedly apologized until he left for his own home, assured him that he was clean but they both know that that's not the only thing that was on the back of their mind but nobody mentioned it. He had sincerely told Will that he knew that it was an accident and that he will see him soon and to have a safe trip home.

Waiting for the three weeks to be over until it's possible to get a reliable test result had been the most uncertain moments of his life. He hadn't wasted any time thinking about the what if's , he's not that kind of person. They had still spent time together as it seems impossible for them to spend too long time without each others company, but things had been tense. They made it a point not to mention anything about that night, however emotionally draining the waiting period had been, it hadn't stopped them from having sex any chance they could. With protection. He had considered pills but if they had indeed conceived that first time he didnt want any harm to come to it. 

Before Will had asked to go with him to get the test,it hadn't yet occurred to him how he had wanted him there until that moment. One wonderful thing he found out about that situation was that, William Graham would be there with him, positive or not, even though the man had looked terrified and about to keel over from it at that time, it had warmed his heart. His silent support in him had been noted and much appreciated. 

To say that they breathed a sigh of relief after the test came back negative was an understatement.

They had finally talked about the whole thing when the atmosphere had settled back to normal. A child would be wonderful in the future but they just wanted to enjoy each others company for now, especially as their relationship is still quite new.

Things had quickly picked up for their relationship after that. Will staying faithfully with him throughout that scare was a more than enough proof of how good a man his partner is. Now though, he is not sure where that man had gone, well...not that he was not a good man anymore, things are just a little complicated now.

Even with the differences with the kind of circles they surround themselves with, their relationship had still thrived. No matter how unnerving it had been for him, he made time and genuine effort to go out, get to know and have fun with Will and his friends-slash-co workers to local pubs with their mediocre beverages and alcohols and Will had gone to opera and theater shows, made an enormous effort to keep his fidgeting and sour face to himself whenever he was around. He was aware of how much effort it had taken for his partner to please him, not to mention he had overheard him giving himself a pep talk in the theater gents'room...'you love him' 'suits are good' 'you love how he smiles at you for putting up with his fashion choices' ...secret self pepping words that makes the man who told those to his mirror self more lovable, more special. He had felt a little guilty for making the man feel like he needs to force himself to like what he likes but when he opened up to Will about it, the man had said that it wasn't a big deal for him, they both had to make effort for their relationship and indulging their partner once in a while makes them happy if the other is happy because of it.

He should get up and go home, he had waited enough, more than enough. He knows it, he knows that things have changed but he can't let go of the tiny hope that is in him that it can still get back to normal. 

Two years into their relationship Will went back to field work, tracking murderers and serial killers and it had been okay until he started drinking more and more and half a year later, the drinking had started to affect their relationship. Will had started to show up either hangover or drunk then it went on to miss dinner dates like tonight. Violence is not part of the change which he is more than thankful for but he is afraid that it going to lead to that if he goes on with this destructive path of his. He had tried to talk about it with Will a couple of times, he worries were either dismissed or was not appreciated at all. A month and a half ago, he had handed his partner a pamphlet for Alcoholic Anonymous... it had been their worst fight and the first time that he had felt a sliver of fear that it won't just be verbal argument then. 

The AA had been a last resort for him to give Will another chance and when he still didn't take it, he knew then what he has to do, but it's not easy, he couldn't leave him at all. 

He loves Will very much but now it's just not their relationship on the line anymore, he's pregnant, and he already loves the baby more than he knows is possible. 

How does one go about telling their heart that the way it has been for a while is not suitable for them anymore, that they have to let it go regardless of how much it hurts or how much they wanted to hold on to it against their better judgment. How does one go about choosing between the life inside of them and their own heart?

He had spent days and weeks thinking about their situation and he could only come up with the fact that he would never raise his child with an alcoholic for a father. Tonight was supposed to be the night when he would tell Will about the pregnancy after dinner and lay out what he expects Will to do if he does want to be part of the baby's life but it seems like he had lost against the bottom of a bottle. Again.


	2. Chapter 2

Will's POV

 

There were muffled sounds all around him, he assumes one of the sounds are dog nails and paws walking around him, there was a lot of dog whining before a bright flash of something which caused him to shut his eyes tighter and turn his head around from it. Silence comes next then nothingness, maybe sleep... Who the fuck knows. 

The next thing he was aware of are his dogs, licking his face awake, the smell of food that while very delicious smelling makes his stomach rebel, attempting to turn on itself in an effort to expel what food it doesn't really have. 

He opened his eyes slowly and swallowed the build-up saliva in his rat infested mouth then dragged himself unsteadily to take a piss and shower, that had always woken him up better than anything. The shower took more time than he was willing to admit, observing that the living room looks too bright for his suffering eyes. He shook his head and decided there's nothing he can do about that before grabbing the half filled whiskey bottle from the small table along the way.

He was just entering the kitchen with the uncorked bottle to his mouth when he noticed that he was not alone. Gulping quicker than he meant to, he coughed once before a wide delighted smile lit his face at the sight before him. 

“Hey, love, I didn't expect you to be here..”

 

\---0---  
Hannibal's POV

 

Hannibal sat quietly looking at the man that had just walked into the kitchen. Unconsciously returning the given smile. He still gets the sweet flutter inside of him when he sees that smile shine upon him, yet now, there is also that throbbing pain that has been slowly eating up around the edges for a while now. He looked his fill of the man before him, following every dips and curves of his face, of the familiar pair of hands that reached out to him, meeting them with his own hands, filing the warmth, the texture, the strong and yet gentle grip it has on his own hands like they were the man's personal holy grail. He couldn't quite stop himself from standing up and hugging the man as tight and as long as he dared to, remembering and memorizing how they fit so well with each other, sharing the warmth and support such a simple act could provide. 

He reluctantly let go and stepped back from the younger man when the agent urged him gently but he cannot quite bring himself to completely let go of the contact all the way, contenting himself instead by keeping a tight hold on the man's hands. 

Hannibal kept his eyes on his partners face, noting how the warm smile turned into a wary insecure lip biting, how his forehead slowly wrinkled in confusion and how his still bloodshot eyes slowly lost their happy shine and turn into sharp inquiring gaze on his person.

“Come, you must start your day with a filling breakfast.” He said in a hurry when Will opened his mouth to speak. 

The doctor guided him to sit and served him food before sitting back down and was visibly trying and failing in keeping his eyes from staring longingly at the younger man's face. 

When after a while, Will has yet to start eating, Hannibal gave him an inquiring tilt of his head and asked affectionately if the food wasn't to his taste and if not then he can make him another. 

“It's not..., you know how much I love the foods you make, they're the best in the whole world. It's...just...my stomach,...well, it might come back up...and I don't want to waste this food you made for me like that, you know that... I just... don't feel.... well, is all...” The younger man explained rubbing his thumbs along the back of his hands, flitting his gaze all over the quiet man's face, willing him to understand.

Hannibal sat there quietly listening to the awkward spill of words from the other man's mouth. He knows of course, why Will can't stomach food at the moment and logically he should be angry because they have had this same dicussion far too many times already and yet, all he feels is the clawing sharp nails of defeat and acceptance gripping his chest tighter and tighter forcing much needed air from his lungs and wouldn't let it expand enough to regain the lost of life giving oxygen inside, all the while, hearing the too loud rush of blood and strong beats of his heart inside his ears. 

Slowly, the ex surgeon took a deep breath, blinked the stinging in his eyes for an extra moment, while swallowing the barbs of broken glass down his suddenly unforgiving throat...he then straightened his back, releasing the hands in his grasp. 

He had spent most of the night after coming home from being stood up at the restaurant, sitting in front of his fireplace, feeling more tired than he ought to, blankly staring at the wild dancing flames and despite the heat it bathes the too quiet space, he still felt the unfathomable cold, numbing his whole being, giving him no other choice but to keep his limbs as close to his body as his pride would allow and stubbornly kept his eyes open, daring them to let go of the teardrops he knows are being barely held at bay with sheer will....what he would have given to be able to numb his mind and body with alcohol...it would have been such a most welcome reprieve from the ripping pain wrecking havoc inside his heart, mind and soul.

 

 

Realizing, understanding and deciding what he must do does not make it any easier, neither does it miraculously lift the heavy weight off his shoulders. He had hoped things would get better, procrastinated and justified it with silly reassurances whenever his partner somehow makes it on time or when he arrives hangover rather than heavily drunk or those times when Will whispers lovingly to him after their love making or make up trysts that has been happening more often than not. 

 

As a psychiatrist, he had helped and is still helping his patients swim through difficult life situations...even helping them figure out how to process certain events, situations in their life so they would be able to internalize them wholly instead of being overwhelmed, clearing their mind for what could be their next positive step towards healthier and or peace of mind. Secretly, he had wondered how weak their minds could be to be overwhelmed with such petty things like being heart broken. He had often found himself thinking a lot of time to just tell his patients outright to just get over it and find a new man or woman, there's plenty of fishes out there. 

 

Now, it seems he is no different from these weak minded fools. He should detest himself for allowing one man to affect him this way, and yet, he couldn't bring himself to do even that. For all the frustration and pain from unsolved arguments he and Will had been having lately, there were and are still moments where he felt like they were in his personal paradise. 

 

Hannibal was jolted out of his musing when he felt the soft brush of fingertips on his left cheek and heard the soft inquiry of Will's voice.

“Hey,...hey, are you okay? You seem lost for a while there...” 

The doctor opened his mouth and tried to speak, letting out a small broken croak, he closed it again and swallowed, feeling the sharp pain in his throat like there was a blob blocking the way. 

“I am fine, my dear Will.” then changing his mind and deciding to figuratively rip the band-aid at once. “No, I...We need to talk.” 

“oh, uhm...sure...do you mean now?” Will replied, reaching for the glass of water beside his forgotten breakfast. 

“Yes, now would be perfect” the doctor visibly took a deep breath and gave him a nod to enforce how important the upcoming talk is to be.

 

Understanding that, Will replaced the glass of water back on the table and instead reached for the half filled bottle of whiskey that he had placed on the table when he first saw Hannibal sitting in his small kitchen-slash-dining room. He looked up to his partners face, his hold on the bottles' neck slackening for a millisecond before tightening again when he saw how the older man showed dislike to the liquor in his hands. He already has an idea what this is about and the young man does not have the patience for it this early in the morning.

The agent led Hannibal to the living room in quick angry steps and whirled around to face him, speaking as he does so. “Look, if this is about last night, i'm sorry okay. I know it was our Friday date night or dinner, whatever, the point is I am sorry I missed it, you should know I didn't mean to. Jack called me to check out something and it was horrible, I can't... I couldn't take it! I thought I'd take something to...to...maybe I was more tired than I thought and fell asleep before I could call you to reschedule. It just too hard for me, you know how it is, right. What if, we go out today, spend the day together. We can even go to your favorite restaurant. How does that sound, love?” 

“No.” came the soft reply. 

“Wha..?”

“No, I do not know how it is as you put it, because I really do not know how it is affecting you. Because you don't talk to me. I can help you, but you are not letting me in at all.....” 

 

“Christ!...You think I'm one of your patients?! Is that it? Do I fucking fascinate you now?....”

“...or if you don't want me then I can help you find someone you are comfortable with...just PLEASE LET ME HELP YOU! …..you need help, please! Will...”

“...Hah! Help!? What the fuck for?...god, I knew it's gonna be this again... I told you, My job is hard. It's all because of that! Everybody copes in different ways....and this is my way. So what, if I take a drink or two. I can take care of my dog's, I have a job, I pay my bills, I'm in a good relationship...opposite of those alcoholic patients that you have....don't you agree? I don't understand why you think I have but obviously, you're wrong...I'm not like those, love, you know that...maybe, maybe you're being too sensitive about this because i'm your partner...there is no need for you to worry about me.”

 

Frustration and despair clawed at the doctor's heart making him clench his hands into fists as hard as he can. oh...he wants to stay and help this man, he needs to, but he is aware that there is no time. He needs to realize there is something wrong and he needs to change it before its too late. 

“No, Will. I am not wrong...” he hardened himself for the indenial scoff that received and plowed forward, prolonging it will not be good for either of them. “ You are a smart man, the fact that you have listed the things you said proves that you have atleast considered it, it is true that my patients couldn't keep their jobs, can't keep up with their financial responsibilities, are close to losing their everything or have lost it already...and yet all of them admitted into denying the problem as long as they could. You, my dear Will, is currently on that stage. You are a high functioning alchoholic.... For now, you are still functioning well but it will catch up and I won't just stand by and watch that happen.”

All the younger man's reply to that was a long suffering sigh and then he placed the now empty bottle on his tiny coffee table. “Look, there is no need to worry about this,i am fine, we're fine, I will even stay sober for you, or maybe just one drink now and then and that's it.” He tried to reach for Hannibal's hands but the drink he just had is affecting his coordination already so he missed by a couple of inches and his hands instead grabbed empty air. “oops! Heh... I meant that!...come on ease up, baby” 

Instead of doing that, the doctor stepped further and shook his head once, and looked him in the eye. “It will catch up, Will....because you just lost your relationship.” then he made for the door. 

“I just WHAT?!” the younger man grabbed him on his arm and had misjudged his strength when he spun him around to face him, causing the older man do cryout in surprise and pain when his arm was twisted in an awkward angle. Will eased up his hands immediately but did not let go for up to three beats. “sorry, what did you say again? Are you saying we're done?” 

“Yes, that is what I mea...”

“No, we can't. Let's talk about this, think about it, please.... I don't want to lose you, especially not because of this irrational worry you have over my drinking, I'm not alcoholic. yes, I drink but it's not too much, it's nothing I can't handle.”

“I have spent a lot of time thinking about this Will. You are very dear to me, there is no denying that. But,...it's not just us anymore.” 

A beat. Then in one quick motion, Will was in front of the doctor, crowing him against the wall. “What did you say?...not just us? What the fuck do you mean?!...is there another man?”

” I am insulted and disappointed that THAT is what your usually sharp mind came up with” with that, Hannibal pushed him away and went out to his Bentley. He was closing the drivers' door when Will prevented him from doing just that. 

“ Explain.”

“ If you had always been sober all this time, you wouldn't need me to explain it to you. Goodbye, Will.” his disappointment dripping from every word. Internally, he admits it's resentment for the situation they're in that kept him from spelling it out for the man but at this point he couldn't bring himself to stay longer in the man's presence. 

“I don't accept it. We're not done! This isn't over!” Desperate and resolute, the agent held on a little longer on the door before finally letting it close.

“ Get help, Will.”


End file.
